Always Have Insurance
by CaptainNapkin
Summary: Sanji has an accident and requires assistance from his insurance company


**Disclaimer: The idea behind this story comes from an Alliance Insurance ad on TV. I laughed so hard at it and these guys popped into my head. The characters obviously belong in One Piece.**

He slowly turned the corner once the arrow turned green for him to go. The blonde focused on the dickhead driving as slowly as possible in front of him. The bastard had already slammed on his breaks twice for no apparent reason and was going at 40km/h in a 70's zone. Groaning, the blonde braked gently again as to stop from ramming up the guys ass. As if a gift sent from heaven, the indicator light started blinking.

"Fucking finally!" the blonde celebrated, it was shortly lived though as the pick-up in front of him braked to 5...5! Km/h to go around the corner. "Move you fucking asshole, the pedal on your right is the fucking accelerator, get around the fucking corner you wanker," the blonde half screamed at the other guy. Yes, he knows fully well that the idiot couldn't hear him, but screaming at the guy helped Sanji deal with the frustrations. He may or may not suffer from road rage from time to time.

Revving his engine slightly the blonde put him foot down to pick up speed. He was going to be late at this rate thanks to that old codger. Finally, he managed to go the speed limit, which was a relief to his system. At least like this he felt as though he was getting there. That was until he had to be stopped at every fucking red light, at every fucking set of traffic lights along the way.

"Ah fuck," he grumbled, pulling to a stop at the red light. He fiddled with the radio and checked out all the other cars, counting the turns until it was time for him to go.

He had just pulled off and reached the other end of the intersection when he saw it. The long, black, hairy leg poking down onto his rear view mirror. The rest of the disgustingly large body and 7 legs came into sight, which led the poor man to startle. In fright, slammed on his breaks. The rough movements of the car caused the spider to lose its grip on the mirror and it fell straight onto Sanji's lap.

Yelling out in surprise and panic, Sanji swerved straight onto the pedestrian path, coming to a stop after getting caught in a pile of rubbish bins and eventually a smallish tree. Immediately he got out of the car and started shaking himself down, the terror icy gripping the corners of his heart.

A passer-by and witness came to his assistance, a young man with a long nose and wild curly hair. "Uh, are you okay?" he asked wearily.

"Get it off, get it off, get it off," Sanji repeated shaking and flicking various parts of his outfit. He pulled his blazer and shirt off, and started on unbuckling his pants when the man stopped him.

"What's wrong? Come sit down and breath," he guided Sanji over to the curb and got him to sit down, it was then he realised that other people had gathered, and he started to take note of his surroundings.

Deeply breathing, not realising he was hyperventilating earlier, Sanji managed to croak out, "Spider."

Confusing and then understanding came over the young man's face as he went to investigate the crash site. Soon the police showed up and Sanji had to explain everything that had happened, his face beet red as he revealed the cause of the crash. It couldn't be helped that he had arachnophobia. The long nosed man, now known as Usopp, came up to the police to confirm the story with the Spider in question, still alive, in a jar.

The police let Sanji off with a warning, a small fine for the property damage of the bins, as well as a lecture on how he was lucky that nobody was hurt.

Once it was all over Sanji picked up his phone. It had countless messages and missed calls from his previous engagement which had been forgotten. Sighing, he chose to ignore them for the moment and call his insurance company. They answered on the third ring.

"Hello, welcome to Grand Line Insurance. This is Nami speaking, how may I be of assistance?"

Stuttering and embarrassed to explain to what he believes is a beautiful young lady, he explained, "There was a spider in my car..."

Once the story was over, the very professional Nami-swan, told him that a man would be there momentarily to collect his car and him. Thanking her for her help, he then hung up and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, he called her back. "Miss Nami, it is me again. The guy doesn't seem to have arrived just yet."

He heard the young lady on the other end groan, "Sorry about that Mr Black, he's just around the corner."

A pick-up truck rounded the corner as Nami-swan hung up, the insurance company logo visible on a small sticker on the window. "Oh shit," Sanji muttered, "you got to be fucking kidding me," as he watched the very familiar, slow ass wipe pull up next to him. The engine switched off and the driver's door opened.

Sanji expected to see an old man exit the vehicle, instead he saw a guy around his age with large muscles and green hair get out. "Oi, you Sanji Black?"

Putting a smile on his face, he answered, "Yeah that's me." The other man just grunted in return and practically ignored Sanji as he got the crashed car hooked up onto the pick-up. It took about 45 minutes, which in that time Sanji had called and apologised for his missed appointment and took the abuse from the unhappy other party.

Once that nasty phone call was done, he watched the green haired man work. The man had a thin layer of sweat over his skin, and his clothes clung nicely to him, despite the fact that it was mechanic work gear. More than once Sanji found himself staring a little too intensely at parts of the other man that he shouldn't have been.

The other man wiped his hands on a cloth and waved him over. Happy to oblige, Sanji got up and stalked over to him with his award winning smile plastered on his face. No one could resist his smile. "You called? Do you _need_ me?" he asked quietly, getting into the other man's space.

The green haired man looked rather uncomfortable and looked away, a slight pink hue started to form on the tips of his ears. "No idiot, I need you to get in the car, gotta take this back to the base, and get you a replacement car." The blonde man was a bit ruffled at being called an idiot, but chose to ignore it.

Sliding his hand down the other man's arm, Sanji ran his fingers gently over the rough, oil and grease stained fingers and snatched the keys right out of his hand.

"I'm driving, you slow Marimo," Sanji called over his shoulder and started making his way into the driver's seat.

The man seemed to be stunned before replying, "I'm a careful driver, thank you very much." He grumbled, "My car, I am fucking driving. And Marimo? So mature curly brow. I have a name asshole use it."

Having found the driver's door being locked and Sanji not budging, the green haired man grudgingly walked and got in the passenger side. "You never told me your name _asshole,_ so you are now 'Marimo'." Sanji states, turning on the engine and carefully pulling away.

"Do you even know how to drive one of these things bastard," the mechanic growled, holding onto his seatbelt for dear life as Sanji went up past 50 km/h. Through his peripheral vision, he could see the other man's foot tighten and move forward as if trying to put his foot on the break. Laughing, Sanji reached over and patted the tense leg.

"It isn't that hard, Marimo," the darker man scowled deeply.

"I told you, my name isn't Marimo. Why the fuck aren't you breaking?" He all but screeched, "Do you even know where the fuck you're going?"

Sanji hummed his answer and the ride went silent, besides the occasionally "break" chant that his 'passenger' had going.

"So what is your name, if it isn't Marimo?" Sanji finally asked breaking the silence as the insurance place came in sight.

The green haired man mumbled under his breath. "I'm sorry I couldn't hear that," Sanji said smartly, titling his head more toward him.

"It's Zoro."

"Zoro." Sanji repeated as he pulled into the car park.

"Yeah, Zoro."

"… And does 'Zoro' come with a phone number?"

They both got out of the truck.

"… Yes."


End file.
